Helping a friend who lost her father

  • Anonymous December 12, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    My best friend of 10 years recently lost her father. He has left behind a wife and four daughters. When I first heard the sad and tragic news I didn’t know what to do.

    The evening I found out, I went straight over to the house of the family and spent a lot of time with them. I felt that just being in their presence and showing that I cared and supported them helped ease the pain.

    It all got a bit too much for my dear friend, and she decided that she needed some space away from everyone and time to reflect on what had happened to her father.

    She told me that she was grateful I was there for her, and that she was still in a lot of shock from everything, but would speak to me when she was ready.

    She kept saying it felt like he was still around but she just hadn’t seen him, and was just waiting for him to turn up and show his face.

    About a week or so after the death, we went through a phase of just texting each other frequently, and I strongly believe that just being on the other end of the phone for her helped, as she knew that she could call or send me a message at anytime and I would always be there to listen.

    After the funeral, she became stronger and we started meeting up with each other a couple of times a week. To help take her mind off things we made a plan and joined a local gym. It gave us something new to talk about and we were both in it together.

    With Christmas approaching its a difficult time, as its when many families become a closer unit and spend more time with one another. Even choosing a Christmas card for my friend and her family, and deciding on what message to write inside the card has been difficult for me. I want them all to know that I still feel for their loss at this difficult time, however at the same time I’m sure they are trying their best to keep strong and move forward with their lives.

    From this experience I’ve learnt that some people prefer talking about their loss of a loved one, and others prefer to grieve privately, but the best thing you can do to help someone is just show your presence and be a good listener.

    Solesearch January 7, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    What a wonderful friend she has in you. I was always a bit of a loner. My mom was a loner.  As was my sister. now my sister has died,

    and my Mom is old and very ill. I regret not making  at least one good friend that would be there in such a selfless way.

    I realize the importance of friendship.

     

    Laura January 8, 2014 at 9:58 am

    Thanks for sharing your story, Francesca. I hope you’re holding up okay! Like Solesearch said, she has a great friend in you and I’m sure she truly appreciates you being there for her. Stay strong!

    Anonymous January 9, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    Hi Soulsearch, thanks for your reply. Don’t feel alone or like you have no-one talk to. Everyone has lost someone in some kind of way, its not easy but you’ve got to remember the good times and the memories which live on. I’m really sorry you don’t have anyone you feel that you can turn to. Opening up to someone does make it easier, from my own experience with losing my Grand father. People will understand and listen to you. Remember, its never too late to start a friendship or make new friends. Joining a local gym or club may help, my partner joined a Rotary Club which is an organisation based in almost every town in the world. They hold weekly meetings and lunches, which bring people together through raising money for charities and general good causes. I went to one of these events about a year or so ago with my partner, and was really surprised with how many people were there and how easy they were to socialise with. Why don’t you give this a go and let me know how you get on? Here is a link which will take you to their website https://www.rotary.org

    I hope it works out. Maybe you should post your story in the forum. I think as this is a new site as more people discover it, it will bring many more people together from all over the world from different backgrounds. Best Wishes, Francesca.

    Anonymous February 15, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    Hi Francesca,

    It’s so kind of you to think of your friend during this difficult time for them. I hope they’re okay.

    Solesearch February 21, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    Thanks Francesca I think I will look into the rotary club option.  My Mom was such a good listener,and I really miss that. She hasn’t passed yet. but with dementia getting worse it is as if she is already gone. It would be helpful to talk with like minded people and share stories.

    Laura February 24, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    We’re all here to support you, Solesearch! 🙂

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